Spooky Stole My Noodle scanning the floor for leftover appendages.

Thursday, April 24, 2003   [NOTE: Spooky may be stealing the noodle for a while again, we're not really sure. It's not really been made clear. The following is a letter which describes something, in some detail, to Spooky. I mean it's a letter to Spooky that describes something, so that you might read it. Because it's in English, and we're assuming that at least some of our readers read that language. So here it is. In some detail.] Spooky, Congratulations on landing the Headly account. Man. I was sweating over that Headly account, I thought that was a goner for sure. Old man Headly, I know him, you know? I mean I KNOW that guy, and he's a bear of a guy. He is about the meanest, old man Headly, the meanest guy there is, and getting that account... I mean I can't tell you how much. I don't want to woolwash your socks, now, but I was a little bit worried, here, I don't mind telling you now. I was going to have to cut you off and let you dangle if you hadn't won the Headly account. But maybe you knew how much was riding on that account. You probably intuited that without the Headly account we'd go right down into the crapper. Or you would, anyway. I'd be just fine, I'm independantly fancy, as always, and so I'd be fine. But old man Headly. Jeesh. What a coup, buddy! What a fucking... I mean. Get yourself a drink and pretend I paid for it! On me, I mean! Go get yourself a drink and say it's on me, and then pay for it yourself but know in your heart that if I was paying for it it would be on me! Because you deserve... no, better yet, you EARNED, even, I mean you fucking WON the contest, I mean, old man Headly. Can you imagine? Remember the first time he came in and we pitched him the jingle and he just pissed on your shoes? Remember that? And you hauled off like to deck the guy and we just could hardly hold you off? And he just laughed and spit in your coffee and left? It's been a long hard road getting to this Headly account, as you well know. You've been putting in a lot of extra effort, and don't think I haven't noticed. Don't think you're being overlooked. Don't for a minute think that we don't know just how much that means, that you got the Headly account. When you buy yourself that drink on me, you just drink it down and remember that. In fact, buy two. You can buy two! And you can pretend I paid for both of them. You can pretend... here, use your credit card and pretend it's the company card! Get as many as you like, and get drunk pretending that you've got a gold company card! Won't that be a hoot? The Headly account. Man, boy. Jeesh. Wow. I'm just astounded. This is... you did it, man. You did it. If I had an office to put you in I'd move you out of that broom closet TOMORROW, first thing. I'd be on the phone right now calling the... in fact, here, I'll pick up this banana on my desk and act like I'm talking to the maintenance guys and having them get your big, corner office all ready. Here, you can even pretend to listen in as I pretend to say the following into my banana to maintenance: "Maintenance? Yeah, it's Elwood. Yeah, Mister Elwood, the damned owner of this place. You know that big, corner office with the ten-thousand dollar chair? And the big windows? Well it'd better be ready by tomorrow for Spooky, or you're fired. In fact I'll eliminate the whole maintenance department. Get that thing ready for tomorrow or you don't work here anymore. You got me?" It would be just like that if we had anything other than a closet for you. I mean of course we do have that big empty window office with the fancy chair in it, but you know how things are. We're still hoping to bring in some talent into this place. But man, you've really earned an office just like that one, if we had one. The money we're going to be bringing in from that old bastard Headly... we're going to... we could probably comfortably double the amount of office space we own if I wasn't going to pocket it all to take that trip to New Zealand that I've been wanting to take, and buy a house down there. While I'm in that summer house, though, I'll be thinking of you, and how you did all this for us by finally whipping that old man Headly into shape. Good work, boy. Enjoy your drinks! Sincerishly, Mister Elwood The Big Corporation posted by Kingo Sleemer | 7:36 PM		contactions contact kingo contact spooky archives links squub