She was born in the early seventies, just like me. The first time we met was the last time we met. We had glimpsed each other across the street once or twice previous. One second we were going about our business, the next, and almost absent mindedly, we began to gravitate toward each other. At least, speaking for myself, I made a deliberate b-line, a change of direction, and not before time. Not so sure that she wasn't going in the same direction anyway, but its not for me to question. Personally, I needed this, I was on a self-destructive course up to that point, and nose-diving fast.
It took time for us to get together though. We didn't just collide in the street. There was delicate maneouvering, subtle posturing, some dodging and weaving required, we had to, to avoid upsetting connected, or those people who were merely within reach and liable to try and influence my judgement in some well meaning but misguided attempt to protect me from any more pain.
I had a lot on my mind around that time. I was rather distracted by details of my home life. Private stuff. Domestic unrest. I was deepy unhappy about my life. Depressed in the true clinical sense. I had been having psychiatric councelling, which had only half helped. I suppose that all of the crap in my life made our first meeting more possible. First and last meeting i should say. Its a paradox, but if things hadn't been so bad at home, and if I hadn't been so depressed and unfocussed, well, maybe we wouldn't have even met. And if we hadn't met, our paths would have continued onwards on the same independent tragectories, instead of, well, instead of ...
Anyway, it goes to show, doesn't it, how everything is for a reason. Cause and effect and all that.
So, we navigated our way through the crowds, she and I, into the open space. A certain sense of space is generally required for things of this nature to take place, wouldn't you agree? I remember the very second when I finally plucked up the courage to go ahead with that first and decisive introduction. It was one of those clichés. A moment of clarity. All the usual bullshit.
I saw an opening, and my blood sort of thumped. Sort of pulsed around me, gave me palpitations, a head rush, like anxiety, but positive. I couldn't think straight, I was ga-ga. I was able to act without thought, for the first time in my life. Auto-pilot finally kicked in after thirty-three years.
I turned, and without saying a word or having a single thought about what I was doing, I just strolled confidently across the flagstones. It was so unlike me. I am usually wrecked by indecision and self doubt. Not this time though, it just happened. I was a rock. The sun shone. Everything faded except for she and I and the journey between us. Then, without any thought, the journey was complete.
I intercepted her as she made her way towards the exit. As I neared, she sensed my presence. I could tell. That magnetic phenomenon took place, where you become half-aware of someone's presence on a subconscious level, and you kind of ... swerve, rebalance yourself... just, ever so slightly to accommodate the other one's airspace. And she did that. She swerved. Only slightly but I saw it clearly. I was spurred on by this though. You'd think it might put me off. But it didn't, see, because I was still quite far away at that point. I think I got a boost from the fact that she could already sense my intentions, even from a distance.
I stepped down and made my way across the asphalt. She was still heading for the exit, but slowing now, quite brazenly slowing, and giving me her full attention. As I neared, I kind of leaned in, instinctively, sort of mentally echoing her shape. her personal space. Like when someone puts their head to one side to talk, you do the same to listen. I made myself as accommodating to her presence as possible. Her nose dipped coyly, and so did mine. it was all so out of character for me, I don't really know where it came from. As I got real close I leant right in to her and smiled. And get this, I actually reached out a hand, like as though to steady her or something. I don't know what I was thinking. Nothing at all probably. My mind a complete blank, I imagine.
She was clearly flustered by all this. Startled, flushed, whatever. I didn't give her a chance to take evasive actions. I was NOT going to let this one pass me by. I had waited too long for that to happen. I leaned over her as she attempted to halt in her tracks. She was too late. I was in command, I was calling the shots there. I placed a hand tentatively on her as we bumped together. We were colliding gracefully. She continued moving forward. It felt odd and a little funny, but she seemed to be going underneath me. I took a chance here, I pressed a cheek to her, whispered secrets, slid a hand up her side, and another on her front as she continued to sail beneath me.
That was it. That was all it took. I felt the passion well up. I let the blood and muscle take over. Marshall law was declared. The animal was free at last. I forced my head through her windscreen, my jaw exploded and my nose bone stabbed backwards into my head. Eyeballs popped, but the sound was drowned out by the sound of my skull collapsing in on itself, as my face flattened and finally forced its way through her windsheild. My arms, shattered and ragged already from the curtain of flying glass around me were grabbing at her insides with lacerated hands and a few shattered fingers. My face, already little more than a screaming mess of red ribbons, tried to smile at her without success. My neck snapped, whipping my lower body around like a crocodile rolling its victim. I whispered my secrets as I rattled around inside her. My legs were lost over the top somewhere, cut clean off by the lip of her roof baring teeth of shattered glass.
Everywhere my flesh burst open, splashed, sliced, exploded and soaked her with hot red blood. I mingled with her. It didn't get any better than that.
It hasn't been the same since.