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11.15.2004

mexed mitaphors

When opening a can of worms, there are things one would do well to keep in mind:

  1. Worms will chew right through flesh.
  2. Oil and worms do not mix.
  3. The trick is to turn the lid away from the body. Away from the body.
  4. The men with their spoons will be along shortly. Have your spear held at the ready.
  5. This is not the cat about to be let out of the bag. This is the can of worms. These are two distinct concepts. DC WITDB?
  6. When the cat ran away with the spoon, he left behind a mourning and ruined family of silverware.
  7. If you find that, instead of worms, a lot of springy, paper snake things jump out at you, you have been the victim of a practical joke. The thing to do in this case is to obtain legal representation and sue somebody.
  8. Worms will not help you in the end. Nothing will help you in the end. In the end, you will be but soap. Unless you are not a horse.

If you find that you are now thinking twice about opening this can of worms, then it is obvious what you should do. Put the can down, very slowly. Walk away. Do not look back.

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