08.31.2004
long enough to write something new
Loyal come-back-here-er-even-though-I-seem-to-have-forgotten-to-ever-write-anything Bessagain writes:
Hey i!
Can you quit playing Doom long enough to write something new in here?
So then. I've become so utterly disheartened, and yet buried myself deeply into other endeavors lately, that putting anything here has seemed like just a... a... something that wasn't something to do. Really. Even though, really, I had some urge to maybe. I am having a mouth numb full of dentist right now, and it's all I can do not to slobber all over myself.
Last week I went to the dentist and was told I needed another filling, plus a repair on an old existing one. Big deal, woohoo, more teeth crap. Great. Okay. So I walked out of the office there to where I'd parked my not-yet-having-had-a-first-payment-made-on-it Cousin Ed and was amazed and ecstatic to see that some kind citizen had taken the liberty of putting a nice big fucking key scratch across the hood.
"Oh, Joy!" I bubbled out. "I always wanted one of those! A nice majestic blue altima with an uneven gray line carved into the hood! Who did this for me, I'd like to pay you for your time, or at the very least give you a big fucking kiss!"
And then I tried very hard not to smash my car into maybe a tree or oncoming traffic or whatever heavy machinery I saw on the side of the road while driving back home. I was just so glad to be having a new car with a key scratch in it, and I felt so in control of things that happen to me, and I felt so much love for humanity that it was all I could do not to find an assault weapon and begin popping strangers.
So ultimately maybe it's just no big deal. Down to the primer. I filed an insurance claim, though I still have to talk to the claims people and find out what they'll pay and get an estimate and all that fun stuff. And then hopefully have the hood repainted in such a way that it'll look just like it did for the few hours I had it before someone decided it was just too clean, or maybe parked just too far away from opening doors, or maybe... maybe. I don't know.
That's the problem. It's ridiculous, really; I never had a real high opinion of most people in the first place. But however minor this might be compared to the shit people do to other people, I sort of feel like this was enough. I need no more convincing that things won't ever be right with people.
That's ridiculous, like I said. Melodramatic and makes me sound like a raving idiot. When I get the thing fixed i'll just be twice as paranoid as I already was, is all. I'll just have to sit and stare at the damned thing all day long. Or maybe stop giving a shit about it, which I guess is the way we're supposed to handle stuff now. Just relax, don't give a shit about it. It's just a car.
