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06.14.2005

MICHAEL JACKSON UNMASKED AS MANNEQUIN. NOBODY SURPRISED. ENTIRE CELEBRATING MASSES CONTINUE TO CELEBRATE NOT-GUILTY VERDICT. (guest post)

"We knew he wasn't guilty! And we also knew he was a mannequin! We don't care! He can touch my babies all he wants because he can moonwalk and wears white socks and black shoes!" said some screaming moron by a fence being squashed between a hundred other screaming morons.

As Tito, Janet, and Latoya Jackson were escorting him to his gigantic, black SUV thing, one of his arms fell off and thunked to the blacktop. A bodyguard, following from behind, hurriedly picked it up and shoved it back through the sleeve and held it there until they had Jackson safely hidden away inside the vehicle.

As the SUV pulled off, a number of Jackson fans threw themselves under the tires. A plastic hand was then seen waving through the vehicle's sunroof.

Michael Jackson is best known for its work with early 70s proto-funk pioneers Parliament Funkadelic, as well as for hit albums in the 1980s. The mannequin was designed by a guy in Italy in 1969 and purchased by the Jackson family shortly thereafter. Although some children are obviously afraid of it, others treat it like an imaginary friend.

("Hanging" Chad Wolfytits, Boston, Detroit)

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