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caterpillar machines, not ham, the completely wonder of the sea, say experts (guest post)

Experts at San Pablo Ridge's Expert Facility, a government created abstraction designed to release statements that sound important as they're attached to experts from the expert facility, have recently released a statement that indicates that a study could have been completed showing that Caterpillar Machines, and not Ham, be the completely wonder of the sea.

When asked for comments, the Expert Facility's Chief Expert, Darryl Pepper, said that, "yes, that is what the study is saying that the release could've proven when it were performed."

Following a round of slap-and-tickle with a particularly attractive, diminutive, ambiguously asian/mexican/african american female reporter, the expert retired to his bedchamber while shouting over his shoulder, "The statement really could be saying that the research really could have been performed and could have proven this thing! I should know, I'm the expert!"

The female reporter was busy getting her support hose back on at press time.

(Pester Bognivodich, staph-infected reporter)