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05.26.2005

book report about lobotomy (guest post)

In reading about the history of lobotomy, started as leukotomy, one would do well to remember: Phineus Gage was actually a really human person with a penis and eyes and everything. That weird doctor Greenswallow or Thigglebury or Stewartashus or Thistlefield or Dalrimple or Armenhammer or whatnot really just took it too far, carried, I mean, it too far, by it I mean that I'm talking about the practice of stirring up peoples frontbrains, because that's what, it's what, he was, he had a, when he was young his father whipped himself instead of him in punishment for something he'd done (him, who would later become Doctor Tidbutton who would even later become known as Doctor Icepick, or something,) and so Doctor Thagglepot grew up to become the pre-eminent brain scrambler before anyone seemed to even have gotten a wiff of what was going on. Or certainly everyone had to have gotten a wiff, but no one said anything.

No one, that is, except Peter Pillbung, who screamed from many a mountainous area about the dishumanity, the man's hume, Britt Hume, the huge loss of, what, brains, people were, personality, solved one or two maybe hard to say victims of.

He became known as Doctor Toothpick the Lesser and grew hair on his knees.

Long, straggly hair like airport socks.

In the brief time period during which he was rampantly practicing his icepick lobotomies he "cured" some sixty million people. It lasted until he cured the same woman a third time and she died from internal bleeding which frankly I'm not sure how it didn't always happen how did he go about missing the veins all the time?

Frances Farmer, a famous magician/actress/political something/uppity woman at the time, with a name called "Frances Farmer," was in an asylum and he went there and ice-picked her brain, too, and she was cured, inasmuch as being cured meant she was free to become slothful and fat and just work out the rest of her life as a clerk at a hotel and not actually be uppity anymore.

People got tired of seeing the zombies walking around and so an uproar was made. Doctor Moniz, some french guy who had invented the Leukotomy which involved injections of some chemicals into the head through holes in the top of the skull so as to destroy the connective tissue, got a nobel prize during the time during which was when Doctor Petersonvilledavidsmom was performing his surgeries with the assistance of his partner surgeon dude some guy name Davis or Will or something. This nobel prize was unsure of why it was asked to get into all of this mess.

Doctor icepick, after having his license to stab people in the brain removed for having stabbed the one lady in the brain three times and the third time killed her, had a mobile trailer thing he drove around and called the lobotomy-mobile, or something. He was trying to prove that his surgeries were helpful and that he wasn't a terrible person just stabbing people in their brains for no real good reason. He wrote some books, too. About something, like some doctors killing themselves who were friends with Freud.

Albert Brooks has not ever made a movie about this experience, but the book and movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest was about it, but not really because it only really happens (spoiler) at the end of the movie before the Indian guy breaks out and goes away because Jack Nicholson had his brain stabbed.

- by Smushmouth Engerbean
(references are available in the back of the book that this is a report about. It's all for real stories.)

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