03.07.2004
inspiration, perspiration
More self-indulgence, here. Eventually I hope to get back to whatever there is to get back to with this weblog. Recently all that wants to come out is some kind of gushing about how I can't seem to post anything that's not gushing about how I can't post anything that's not gushing about how I can't post anything that's not gushing about how I is spode is spode is spode ^ctrl-c
For the past few days, though, taleswapper has been posting posts that remind me why I keep this thing at all. (He's also reminding me about what I should have been doing this morning.)
This thing should be about making an effort. Recently for whatever reason I haven't been doing that. It's like I'm sitting here reading other weblogs waiting for myself to update this one. Amazingly, I never update this one if I don't actually update it. Weird.
I've been putting on hold everything requiring an effort that's not related to my job or my continued pursuit of (hopefully) closing on our house. When I'm not focused on those things I'm either eating girl scout cookies, watching Survivor or American Idol, or playing XIII on my Playstation2. (Side-thingy for anyone who cares: I want Lex to win Survivor, John the 16-year-old redhead kid to win AI, and XIII kicks ass. And I need to stop eating girl scout cookies.)
It's easy for me to be distracted here in this little apartment, always has been. Now, though, there's some vision in my head about having a whole basement to myself where I won't have to expend the effort just to get past the distractions in the first place. I'm aware that this is wrong-headed thinking -- there are always excuses, and I need to get past them. Of course I'm not only talking about this weblog; really this is just a little window into pieces of my creative life. It's the whole of that piece of me that I'm sorry to have been out of touch with recently.
On the other hand, I'm still going to wait for this house thing to settle out before I commit to anything again. Whether or not that's necessary is unclear, but what is clear is that getting out of this apartment, and keeping on solid ground at my job so as not to lose it just when my monthly cash outflow requirement doubles, are incredibly important right now. So I'm excusing myself from stressing over anything else. Except maybe the biking thing. And the stop-eating-so-many-Samoas thing.
Other things have recently led me to consider all of this. One of those things, thanks to this leftside post, is this discussion about mainstream writing, led by author James D. Macdonald. For whatever reason his tips are very motivating for me, and I'm keeping the link, and some of the advice I've read there, near at hand for after May.
(Corwin, if you're still here, you might be interested also in this leftside post about text adventure games. Contains some good links.)
No news, of course, on the actual purchasing of the fabled hut. It's frustrating as hell waiting for final verification of the loan. That's an understatement. It's MADDENING. It's out of our hands, now, until we learn otherwise from the loan people. We have no control over the outcome of this thoroughly consuming life event. It's just... arrgh. Like I said previously, I think I'll be able to talk about all of this once it's done. Right now it just makes me catch on fire.
